if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
