i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize