Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
