If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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