I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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