I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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