Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
