I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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