his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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