I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
