we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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