Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize