I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he shaved USA in his pubs
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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