I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
