tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
