just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
