i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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