please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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