At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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