Your face is a jimmy john
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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