...so i touched it.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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