Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
