This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
