Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
