i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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