You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
