Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Bang-toberfest begins!!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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