honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
