i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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