The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
