I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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