I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
