piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
