Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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