I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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