I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
