Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
