hotel room ftw
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
