We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
