There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize