can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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