So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
