what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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