I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
