it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
