i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I love having hate sex.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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