Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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