dude i'm inner monologue high
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
