Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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