I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
