i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He better not be in your backpack
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
