I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
