so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
