why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
