the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
