Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
