So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
