Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
