She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
