I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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