Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
