I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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