mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
