Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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