i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
