that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
