im drinking this country out of the recession.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
