Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Someone came in the potted fern
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
