"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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