So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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