I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
